Leaving and Trusting

I went away for a few days to a place where I felt safer. With my husband working the weekend, including one very late night, I really did not want to be alone that late. It worked out well, safety wise.

I stayed with new friends and, as always, my old tapes are playing. I rarely get the feeling after interacting that I have not blown it somehow. I guess it is all the old messages of never feeling worthy of friends...of never being able to trust that others really want to be my friend.

Yet, these are people who listen...really listen. I am so afraid of pushing them away. All the old messages are running. I really HATE feeling this way. I hate being afraid to get close.

I also went with the idea of helping them finish a major project they are working on. It is huge and they are really in need of real help. I hope that we really did help them. I think we did.

I always struggle with these kinds of things, but this time of year it is always worse. I feel so off kilter mentally and emotionally...even more so than usual. I really need to trust in God and to trust others.